Ahahaha

Several years old and yet I look the exact same – especially now with my hair this short again.

Happy New Year! How the fuck are you?! I’m actually confused by how quickly this year suddenly showed up and caught me by surprise. It was really distressing and annoying. But I do have good news.

Shortly before the holidays began, my pup Nim became really, really ill. We were quite certain that this would either be her last winter, or that she wouldn’t make it to see winter. You can imagine how heartbreaking that was for me, someone who has spent 13 years of her life making sure this pup would keep hers. My mum and I were determined that we would try every single fucking thing before we even considered calling it quits. Luckily, doing so worked. Now, granted, Nim will never be the same again. She is definitely and unfortunately on her way out. I know this. My mum knows this. Hell, I’m sure Nim knows it. But you wouldn’t guess by the way she behaves. The brat acts like a spoilt puppy again, and so she should. We have her on steroid medication, which gives her strength and helps with her pain, but eventually it will kill her liver, so it’s sort of a “which will quit first” kind of thing. It’s not a nice way to put it, I know. It sounds crude and mercenary if you stop and think about it. But it’s working. We’ve had two whole months of puppy that we didn’t think we would even have. I have cried so much with bittersweetness over this whole thing. Oh yes indeed. But no matter what, I know, it’s all worth it.

Look at this face. How could you think otherwise? I mean, unless you don’t like dogs. Then I get it.

As for me, well, you can also imagine that the health of Nim directly affects my health, and it does. Taking care of Nim now is a very intensive, hard regime, and it takes a lot out of me. My pain has increased, and my emotions and depression have been up and down. I’m having trouble right now with my doctors, and my future doesn’t seem very linear. But at least Nim is here to distract me, for now. What happens after… well, I don’t know, because I didn’t even think I’d make it this far.

This July marks the fifth year anniversary of my botched – and apparently recently discovered completely unnecessary – appendectomy, which may or may not have given me IBS-C, which now they don’t even know if I have anymore. All they know is that I’m sick and they can’t fix me. I’m basically in the same spot I was five years ago, just without a job and probably without much of a future.

So instead of dwelling on that, I read a lot. I’ve been reading a lot of atheist books, as well as Canadian novels and such. I still meditate and read Buddhism books, but I definitely aim towards the secular books, rather than the religious. Books are a joyful distraction, and they keep me sane.

I haven’t been writing at all since Nim got sick, but I think, now more than ever, I need to correct that. Look forward to a possible update over at my Scribbles page if you like short stories about swords, sorcery, and overweight female mages with short tempers.

I promise to update more. I think it will help me. I’ll try to update every Monday or something. But don’t hold me to that. I am a scatterbrain, after all.

Here’s a picture of my partner and I. Just because.

Terry and I a few years ago at AnimeNorth. I love this picture, because we are such dorks.